If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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