Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
