Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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