Who did Billy Mays play for?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
