Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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