Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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