If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
