Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
