Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
