Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
