P.S. I can't hear my feet
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
