$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
