my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I FOUND THE LEGS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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