Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
