do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
