My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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