He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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