I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
