I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
