I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
