Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
