You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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