fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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