my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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