thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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