Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
