I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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