Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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