I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
