Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
