His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
