Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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