You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I party with great urgency now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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