I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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