cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
