I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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