I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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