I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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