Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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