yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
