Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
