Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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