Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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