Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Naked. naked and bneed help.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
