It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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