just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
