I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The Olympian is in my bed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
