Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
