We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You smell like stripper and shame
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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