We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
and you fell through a lawn chair
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
