I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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