he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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