His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
