I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
