Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
