What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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