No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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