why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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