Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
