just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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