dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
