Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
