If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
