My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
