I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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