Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
