I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
