to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
