I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
