sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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