I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
