I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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