Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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