My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
