I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I need a burrito and a hug.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
