we made out on top of his cat.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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