God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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