Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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