I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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