it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
