I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
