my phone needs a breathalizer
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
