If i come over, it means nothing
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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