No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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