we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize