No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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