2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
