Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
