I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it glows. i had to have it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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