Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
