We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
