I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
