i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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